


H.M. Pt.8/?

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Help Me [8]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bucky Barnes Feels, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Hate, Heavy Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Mild Language, POV Alternating, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve, Regret, sorry for all the feels, tons of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 09:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9066226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: Reader is shutting herself out, frustrated with her memory loss. When a training session takes an unexpected turn, it makes the situation even more complicated.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thebeastinsideusall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeastinsideusall/gifts).



> Sorry for taking longer than planned to get this part posted, I hit a major writing block and lost my groove for a bit. But with help, I got it done. Thank you so so so so much for all the help hun!! I don't know how I would get it done without your help. So some of the credit definitely goes towards you. :)
> 
> *sorry if my Russian translations are bad*

                

* * *

 

_Bucky's POV_

Three days. It’s been three days, and (Y/N) refused to leave the comfort of our room. The shelter of our bed. Nights were hard. She usually ended up shaking, shivering underneath the numerous amounts of blankets, clinging onto me as if I was her last lifeline. It took me a good half hour and comforting words just for her to let me get out of bed. But it took even longer for me to leave the room completely. However, (Y/N) quickly calmed down a great deal when I asked her if she wanted to make breakfast with me. Thankfully she did.

We headed down to the kitchen to make breakfast, running into Bruce when we got there. Out of habit now and instinct, Y/N hid behind me. Once realizing it was Bruce, she let out the breath she was holding. Moving back to my side. 

“Sorry Bruce, I d-didn’t..” she said in a small voice, he just smiled at her softly. “It’s alright Y/N, I understand. Nice to see you out and about.” He nodded at me and took his tea with him as he left the kitchen. I took out what we needed to make our breakfast, ordering her to sit down and stay beautiful. “I’m going to whip up the best omelet you’ve ever had-”

“Why are you with me?” her question took me by surprise. It was totally unexpected and hurt if I was, to be honest. I put down the pan and faced her. 

“What?” 

“You heard me.” She sighed, taking an orange from the fruit bowl next to her, picking off the peel in tiny pieces. Not bothering to look at me as she spoke.  

“I mean...look what I’ve done to you. W-What they made me do to you.” I watch as her head falls into her hands, before knocking her stool down as she stood up. “I helped them hurt you. Cause you pain. Controlled you with my ‘so called gift’, tortured you for information just so I could protect my son. Fuck a lot of good that did me.” Her voice was angry, expression far off as she tossed the peelings into the trash. Her shoulders were tense, back rigid. She looked so small, curling in on herself to protect herself from anything from the outside world. I took slow steps towards her, making sure she could hear me coming. I stop when I’m by her side, not touching her. Giving her the decision to initiate physical contact. 

“It’s just, every fucking time I close my eyes. I see you. I see Jaimie.” Her face flinched at the memories, “I hear you screaming, begging me to stop. I see his big blue eyes, his bright smile, laughing at me as we dance in our kitchen. Then blood's pooling out of his head as he crumbles to the floor. His blue eyes fading. Then...then I wake up.” My heart shattered, she sounded so tired, exhausted just by thinking the simplest thoughts. 

“What can I do to help?” I asked her quietly, desperately wanting to take her and hide her away from the world, from everything.

“Hold me?” Without a second thought, I wrap my arms around her. Resting her head on my shoulder, as I rub circles into her lower back. Y/N nuzzles her face into my neck, trying her best to control her emotions. I pressed my face into her hair, swaying us back and forth to an imaginary rhythm. She moves her arms to cling to the back of my shirt. Tiny whimpers make their way to my ears and I just hold onto her tighter. I give her one last squeeze before I take her face gently in my hands. I look down into her tear-filled eyes, I leaned down and kissed her tenderly. Wanting to kiss all the pain away, take the nightmares as my own. I hated to see her have to suffer through this constant torment in her life. Y/N didn’t deserve this. 

“Come on, you can help chop the veggies. Omelets are calling my name.” It wasn’t much, but it would help keep her mind busy. 

\------------------

Y/N was getting better, she managed to get out of her room and hang out in the common room. She was fine if Bruce or Tony were in the room with her, but she was more comfortable with me. ‘Course everyone else knew something was off about her. They were considerate not to ask her what was wrong, which meant the questions were pointed at me. 

And my answers were always the same. ‘She’ll tell you when she’s ready.’ ‘Just keep her mind focused on something else.’ ‘Give her time.’ They got the message pretty quickly and stopped pestering me for answers. I haven’t seen Steve around much, but they said he wanted to keep his mind busy on missions, so I let him be. Y/N was currently in the shower and Natasha was pulling me out of the room into the hallway. 

“Geez Nat, what the hell is your problem?” I rubbed the spot where her nails were digging into my arm. She crossed her arms and gave me her ‘I’m going to beat the crap out of you if you don’t tell me’ look. “Nat, don’t. I promised her.”

“Yeah figures, but she’s been my friend for years Buck...so spill.” I groaned and ran a hand through my hair. I tilted my ear towards the door listening; the shower was still going. 

“Fine, I’ll tell you, ‘cause you’ll give me hell if I don’t.” I look down the hallway to see if anyone was watching, then looking at the camera in the corner. “Tony, I know you’re watching. Delete this conversation when it’s over.” I knew he was watching, he tended to keep a protective eye on her when I couldn’t. 

“You know when I came back and….you guys saw..,” I shifted on my feet, not comfortable talking about that particular day. “Yeah. Let me guess you guys did the same thing?” I nodded curtly, seeing her face drop slightly from the corner of my eye. 

“What happened?” 

“They fucked her up, that’s what,” I growled at her, not that I meant too, it’s just I was so pissed off. “I should’ve followed orders, I shouldn’t have left. It’s my fault this happened, if I just went back, had them wipe me again...maybe, maybe her son would still be alive.” Her arms drop down to her sides as she took in the news. I heard the shower turn off and gave Nat a stern look of my own. 

“Don’t fucking tell anyone,” I stopped in the doorway, “please.” I headed back into the room and closed the door quietly behind me, so she never knew I left. I knew Nat wouldn’t say a thing and Tony would make sure this conversation never happened. I just wish I could’ve prevented what happened.

\------------

“Alright, that’s it! Time to get your sexy ass out of bed.” I walked into our bedroom to see Y/N reading on the bed. A few days passed and I believed it was time for a change of scenery. I took her book, dropped it onto the floor and rolled her onto her back. I pulled her up the mattress and began to tickle her sides. 

“B-Bucky! Stop! I can’t breathe!” She squirmed under me, pushing my hands away from her sides. I grab her wrists and held them above her head. I scan her face quickly before I press my mouth against hers. Her lips are soft against mine and she tastes like mint toothpaste. I let go of her wrists, resting one on her hip, cupping her face with the other. She runs her hands through my hair. I kiss her mouth one more time, then leaned back on my knees. 

“Come on, time to get up.” I stand up and grab her hand, chuckling when she whined. “Where are we going? I thought we were going to be lazy in bed all day.” I twirl her into my arms, pecking her nose, smiling when her face scrunched up. 

“Well, I’m going to go work out. Need to keep up my form you know, and Nat and Wanda want to go shopping. So they ordered me to get you out of bed for your girl's date thingy.” 

“Fine, but I’m expecting some serious cuddle at the end of the day.” She poked my chest, smiling at me. Which I gladly returned, kissing her quickly so she can go get ready. I couldn’t wait for the day to end, so I could just wrap her in my arms and fall asleep. 

\----------------

_ Reader’s POV _

 

Your girl's date was going great until you passed the children’s clothing section. That’s when everything started to come back, the clothes Jaimie would wear, the dinosaur pajamas you got him for Christmas. So when your chest tightened, breath catching in your throat, you panicked. Telling them you weren’t feeling so well, you headed back and went to find Bucky, the one person keeping you together at this point. 

There's sweat down his back. Coating the sleeveless shirt he's wearing. Already soaked from hours against the heavyweight bag earlier. Until you walked in, frustrated about everything going on. Desperately wanting to make your mind work and to just remember, but you can't force it. 

So you start sparring. He's somewhat easy on you. Because this isn't about an actual fight or dominance. It's about releasing energy that's inside your body. Energy that never leaves and makes you restless, sleep-deprived and exhausted. So you spar. Kicking and twisting and punching and blocking. Dancing around each other on near instinct. 

Steve finds you like that. The instant you pin Bucky down on the mat. Your thighs bracketing his hips, right foot trapping his metal wrist to the floor. Right hand poised above him for a punch, the other palm flat on his chest, steadying your stance atop his larger form. Sweat slicked down your nose, a drop landing on his chest as both of your chests heave with the effort to steady your breathing. 

Steve sees red. 

You smiled down at Bucky when you successfully knocked him down. You felt less frustrated than you did before, sparring against Bucky was a smart move. All the previous pent-up energy finally leaving your system. Leaning your weight on the hand that's on his chest so you can adjust your body so you're resting on your knees.

You bring your hand down to brush his hair away from his face when suddenly you were grabbed from behind and thrown a couple feet from him. Knocking the wind out of you. Rolling over to your back, you were met with your attacker. And your blood ran cold. 

Steve was standing above you, fists clenched at his sides. If looks could kill, his would be on the top of the list. You were afraid to move, even to breath from the way he was glaring at you. 

"Stay the fuck away from Bucky and maybe I won't kill you." You had no idea why Steve was acting this way towards you. Scrambling through past events, you tried to remember what you did to set him off. You look at Bucky for help. 

Bucky was now standing, anger clearly written in his features. The plates in his arm shifted as his hand clenched into a fist at his side. He made eye contact with you quickly, then glared at Steve's tense back. You weren't quite sure what to do. Steve looked like he wanted to kill you, Bucky looked as if he was going to explode, while you stayed frozen in place. 

Frozen. Because Steve's rage was not just on his face but his features as well. That super soldier body thrumming with tensed muscles, begging you to move a single inch and he would be on you. You've never really thought about it, the look that rabbit's get looking into the eyes of a coyote. But you do now. 

Your nose twitches, your eyes widen. Terrified. Every joint and limb locked into place as if rusted. You feel incredibly small, half crouched on the mats as Steve's hulking frame hovers over your body. Bucky gives you a glance, the hint of worry hidden amongst the anger in his own eyes but you can see it. 

That was your mistake. Looking to Bucky. Because Steve growls low in his throat, stalks forward and his left leg reels back. Aiming to kick your cowering body and you cry out at the sight of him coming at you. You scramble back, nails tearing at the mat to crab walk backward only to see Steve yanked back by the collar of his shirt.  

Steve rights his stance, finding Bucky stalking a half circle till he's around Steve, standing in front of you. Protecting you. YOU. Rage and disgust roll through him because that just proves his thoughts. You've corrupted Bucky to do your bidding already. And he won't lose Bucky again. 

Steve attacks first. Launching himself forward the few feet and throwing a punch to Bucky's side. Bucky deflects with the metal limb, grabbing Steve's forearm and spinning, throwing Steve over his shoulder to slam him down onto the mats. Bucky wishes it was cold concrete instead. 

They circle each other like snarling wolves, snapping fists and clawing feet. Steve tries his damnedest to get a solid hit in. But he didn't account for something. He wasn't fighting Bucky right now and he wasn't fighting the Soldier. He was fighting them both at the same time. James was faster, stronger, had more range of fighting knowledge than Steve could even imagine. And James? He was downright pissed. 

Punches hit and fists fly. Steve grunts as Bucky lands a heavy hit with the metal limb against his solar plexus. Causing him to stumble back a step and try to catch his breath. Before he can Bucky wrenched his head down, jerking his knee up to land a blow to Steve's stomach. 

Once he knows Steve can't catch his breath for a moment, Bucky's foot slams into Steve's side and the captain falls to the ground. He's got several bruises forming and most likely a broken nose with the amount of blood dripping down to his lips. But he still stares angrily as Bucky stalks forward, sneering down at him. 

"Don't you ever... Ever... Touch my girl again Rogers..."

The look on Steve's face says he's had enough, but that didn't mean he was still pissed. You're shaking on the mat, petrified from what you just witnessed. You never expected anyone to lash out in this particular way from what they found out about your past with Bucky. Sure, you figured there'd be some few choice words, but this? Never crossed your mind. It was frustrating how you were still getting fragments, shards of details of what your memories contained, in only small bursts. Not to mention, struggling to get over the fact that your son was murdered in front of you, but this was even more frightening. 

Movement caught your eye, Steve stood up stiffly, eyes glued on Bucky's. He wiped the blood off his chin with the back of his hand, as his other cradled his side. Bucky's back straightened, but never relaxed. With his complete focus on Steve, he tilted his ear towards you. 

"Vy v poryadke Y/N?" (are you okay?) It took a few seconds for his words to register in your head, then a couple more as your brain jostled to come up with a response.

"Da." His back stayed tense, but the quick nod he gave you, told you he was relieved. But you weren't. You needed to know why Steve, who you thought was your best friend, basically attacked you and looked like he wanted to kill you. The torment of your son's death was great, but so was this. "Bucky, mne strashno. Pochemu on zlitsaya na menya?" (I'm scared. Why is he mad at me?)

Your voice came out as if a mouse was in the room. Ever so slowly, you were able to push yourself up into a sitting position, then pressed your body to the wall. Still wary of Steve's killer like presence. Bucky could sense your distress build the more Steve was in the room. He needed to know why his best friend attacked his girl and he was going to make sure he got an answer.

"What the fuck was all that about Rogers?" Bucky snapped at Steve, not caring how harsh his words were. You were anxious to know what Steve was going to say, but scared shitless to know the answer. Wanting nothing more, than for this whole situation to end. Steve looked Bucky square in the face, his previous rage returning. 

"Her Hydra relation Bucky. What else would this be about?" 

If it was possible. Bucky's face hardened even more. His left fingers clenching, plates shifting and gears whirring. "Her hydra relation?" Bucky asked in angered disbelief, stormy gray eyes narrowed as Steve took a half step forward, toward you. Bucky moving in sync and keeping you perfectly behind his body. 

"That's what this was about? You attacked her, threatened her? Because of a past, she can barely even remember?!" Bucky snarled and matched Steve's step forward, deadly calmness washing over him. 

"What else would it be about Buck? She's dangerous to you. To me, for everyone. We don’t even know if Hydra’s just using her to get back to you!" He started, but he didn't get to finish his rant. 

Bucky's fist swing out and slammed into Steve's jaw, throwing the man stumbling back a few feet to right his footing. "How dare you...Y/N's just as innocent in all this as I am Steve!" He swings out again, this time Steve dodged just enough to block and miss the metal fist aimed at his throat. 

"I don't care! She could hurt you and I won't allow this relationship to go on any longer!" Steve started yelling, the severity of his tone and the malice dripping when he referenced you, it made your already frightened body want to flee in absolute fear. 

"You won't allow it? Fuck you, Rogers! That's my girl and you aren't getting anywhere near her or me, not anymore." Steve dodged two more punches before he was on the ground, feet kicked out from under him as Bucky spun on his heel. 

Bucky knelt down to Steve's form, feet from his so called best friends face. Rage rolling from more than he'd ever experienced before seeing this man try and MAKE choices for him. He was done with that. Bucky loved you, more than anything. And he'd protect you till his dying breath before he let Steve raise a hand to you ever again. 

His left wrist reeled back, and Steve was out like a light from the hit to the temple, dropping like a sack of bricks to the mats. Bucky didn't even look back, turned around on his heel and crouched in front of you. Worry lacing his features as he reached out and cupped his palm over your cheek where the tears started to fall in your fear of Steve Rogers. 

“Vy raneny?”  _ (Are you hurt?) _ You shook your head, you were sore from where he threw you but other than that you were fine. At least physically.

“YA tak zhal', chto eto sluchilos' kuklu, za vse. No on ne sobirayetsya prikosnut'sya k vam yeshche raz, kogda-libo.”  _ (I’m so sorry this happened doll, for everything. But he’s not going to touch you ever again, ever.)  _ He kissed your forehead, drying away the tears. “Khorosho?”  _ (Okay?) _

“Vytashchi menya otsyuda Baki. YA ne mogu byt' zdes'.”  _ (Get me out of here Bucky. I can’t be here.) _ You scrambled into his arms, wanting nothing more than to hide in the comfort of your bed. He wrapped his arms around you securely, lifting you up by your thighs, which you locked around his waist. Hands holding onto him as he stood up. 

“U menya yest' ty dorogaya, u menya yest' ty.”  _ (I have you, my dear, I got you.) _ He murmured against your temple, kissing your temple as he headed out of the room. As soon as he turned the corner, you tensed when you felt someone was watching you. Bucky noticed too, he threw a knife he had hidden in the band of his pants at the person behind him. It missed them by a few inches. He turned to see the person who made you tense, to find out it was Tony and Natasha. You relaxed against him but still looked around frantically. Bucky spoke up so you wouldn’t have to. 

“Keep Rogers the fuck away from Y/N, unless he wants broken ribs to go with the broken nose.” You squirmed in his arms, wanting to get out from the open, away from everyone. 

“What the hell happened Bucky?” You heard Natasha ask him, glancing at you worryingly. You desperately wanted to tell her everything, but the only person you trusted completely right now was Bucky. 

“Just watch the fucking footage. Or you could ask him yourself whenever he wakes up.” He left without another word, slamming the door behind him as he entered your guys’ room. You felt your heart rip in two as Bucky’s walls broke. He slid down the door, still holding onto you tightly, his own tears running down his face. You cried along with him, you knew he’d protect you, fight for you in order to keep you safe. But you never wanted it to come down to fighting his best friend. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> The next part of Motionless should be done this week. Now that I got my groove back. :) But please be patient with me, I'm working on 2 other series as well, so staying busy. :)


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